His To Master and Own (Miami Masters Book 5) Read online

  Alessa gently disengaged her arm from his hold, finding it difficult to concentrate when he was touching her. He meant well, she knew that, and it gave her a heady feeling to be the recipient of such a man’s over-protectiveness, but that one experience with a psychologist refused to let her accept his invitation, as tempting as it sounded. Only honesty would deter him, so she sucked in a deep breath and blurted the truth.

  “I tried that once, Dr. Bates, and my trust was met with scorn and derision, followed by a hint I’d benefit from medication to get my head on straight. I’d rather flounder alone, thank you.”

  Sean swore and shook his head in disgust, but not at her, Alessa realized, when he pried open her fingers and wrapped them around his card. “Whoever you saw was an idiot. If you can’t bring yourself to trust me, then trust your friends. Ask Dax or Krista about my reputation as a psychologist then call my office, give me a chance to help you. Come on, I’ll walk you to your car.”

  His grasp on her elbow allowed for few options as she followed him out to the parking lot in a state of anxiety overload. The blunders she’d made in her choices the last two weeks had weakened her already low self-esteem and stirred up the insecurities she tried so hard to hide. Sean’s take-charge attitude, she hated to admit, was just what she needed at the moment. Pointing to the small SUV that had been the only extravagant purchase she’d ever made, she remained quiet as they wove through the crowded parking lot.

  When he opened the door for her, she started to tell him she’d think about his offer, even though she knew she wouldn’t, but his low, commanding voice stopped her.

  “No matter what you decide about making an appointment with me, don’t return to one of the clubs again without a friend, Alessa.” With a tap to the card she still held in her hand, he turned and walked over to a sleek Mustang parked a few spots down.

  Alessa slid behind the wheel, shut the door and gripped the steering column, lowering her head between her hands. Most women would take offense if a man they’d only formulated a passing acquaintance with dictated to them like that, but she’d learned long ago she wasn’t most women. For someone who’d never been lucky enough to have someone care enough to show such concern for both her physical and emotional well-being, that command soothed her frayed nerves as effectively as a comforting stroke. But where it left her, she had no idea and was too tired to worry about right now.

  CHAPTER 4

  “M y Master is not happy with me this morning,” Krista announced in greeting when Alessa opened the front door for her. Breezing past her, her disgruntled best friend tossed her small gym bag on the wicker sofa then plopped down, a spasm of discomfort crossing her pretty face as she glared up at her.

  “I’m sorry.” Closing the door, Alessa padded into the kitchen, poured a cup of coffee, added a generous dose of creamer and brought it over to Krista. “Is it because you waited to tell him about getting me the pass?”

  “That, and because we didn’t accompany you. You know how overprotective these guys are.” Sipping the hot brew, Krista closed her eyes with a sigh. “Oh, I needed that. Thanks.”

  Alessa didn’t need Krista’s reminder about her husband’s excessive concern, not after spending a fitful night plagued by a pair of grey eyes reflecting that same emotion and a stern voice portraying enough concern to lecture her on safety. “Well, tell him everything went fine,” she lied without compunction. As much as she loved Krista and trusted her, she wasn’t about to reveal the humiliation she’d suffered at the hands of the first Dom to approach her last night, and the second Dom, Sean, she would also keep to herself. She didn’t know him well enough to trust him not to share everything that went on when he visited a club with his close friends, but on the off-chance he’d meant it when he’d said whatever went on between him and her would remain between them, she would keep quiet for now.

  Krista looked up at her, cocked her head, then asked slowly, “Is that the truth, Lessa? It hasn’t been so long since my first time submitting to a stranger that I don’t remember my feelings of insecurity and inadequacy.”

  Alessa sank onto the matching wicker chair facing the sofa, wondering how she’d ever thought she could keep anything from her. Krista knew her better than any of her foster parents or the other kids in their temporary homes ever had, and she was the only person she’d allowed herself to grow close to since reaching adulthood. Krista was also the only person who’d never turned her back on Alessa. Without even realizing it, she brought her hands together, her fingers searching for a hangnail to worry as she debated how much to reveal when she was still so unsure of herself.

  “Hey, it’s me, remember? Leave your fingers alone and spill. What happened?” Krista pestered her.

  “Okay,” Alessa blew out on a sigh. “It wasn’t bad, but it wasn’t good either. He was maybe a touch more into his needs than mine, is all.”

  “Jerk. Seriously,” Krista added when Alessa chuckled. “If we’d been there, we could’ve told you which Doms to steer clear of. I know a few who would’ve made your first time a lot more pleasant. Damn, I hate it when Master Dax is right. We should’ve been there.”

  “Look, it’s all good. Let’s do our yoga and table this for later, maybe over wine. I haven’t given up on finding what I want,” which was another small lie, “so there’s always next time.”

  Standing, Krista replied while shimmying out of her jeans right there in the living room. “At which we’ll be there.” Turning to her bag, she pulled out a stretchy body suit Alessa wouldn’t be caught dead wearing. Loose gym shorts and a baggy tee were her preferred clothing choices to work out in. Krista bent to pull the stretchy knit up her slender legs, revealing the bright red under curve of her buttocks. Alessa winced from guilt over the proof of Dax’s punishment.

  “Oh, Krista, I’m sorry,” she told her when Krista turned back around. “He was really mad, huh?”

  “No, he’d never punish me if he was angry. More upset for you, I’d say. But hey, don’t sweat it.” Her grin turned cheeky. “You know how I love his strict control.”

  Alessa not only knew that but envied it. Her friend didn’t realize how lucky she was to have been blessed with not one, but two men who understood her needs and cared enough to see them met. Stifling her uncalled for envy, she quipped in a joking manner, “Perv. Come on, let’s exercise. I have to get ready for work soon.” Not to mention needing to decide on whether or not to make an appointment with Dr. Sean Bates.

  She’d be lying to herself if she didn’t admit to the temptation to talk with someone who wouldn’t criticize or belittle her, someone with experience in domination. But old habits were hard to break, and old fears even more difficult to get over.

  “So, did he spank you?”

  Krista’s blunt question a few minutes later almost caused Alessa to let go of her precarious hold. The Frog pose, lying on her stomach with her legs bent back toward her arching torso until she could reach behind her and grasp her feet, was hard enough to maintain without being surprised by the quick return to their earlier conversation.

  “I thought we’d finished with last night’s topic.”

  “You thought wrong. Now, give.” With a flexibility Alessa doubted she’d ever obtain, Krista pushed to her feet and bent to brace her hands flat on the mat in front of her.

  Releasing her hold, she huffed out a disgruntled breath. “No. We danced, which was fun, then we fucked.” Rolling to her back, she raised her legs straight up, leaving her arms at her sides, palms flat. If Krista insisted on continuing with this conversation, the Plow pose would be easiest to sustain.

  “God, he was an asshole. What’s his name?”

  Alessa shrugged her shoulders against the mat. “I don’t know. He didn’t ask for mine, so I didn’t ask for his.” And that had hurt as much as his callous disregard for her needs.

  Krista straightened and placed her hands on her hips, her blue eyes sparking with outrage. “That does it. Dax and I will go with you next weekend and you ca
n point this jerk out to him. He’ll take care of him.”

  “No.” Jumping to her feet, Alessa tried to calm her racing heart. She didn’t know what her next step would be in her search for something, or someone, that would ease the craving she’d lived with for so long, but she didn’t want her closest friend witnessing her trials as she floundered while looking for answers. “It’s taken me a long time to get this far, Krista. Give me time, please.”

  She saw the instant denial on her face and knew Krista wouldn’t give up after what she’d just told her. Thinking of the card in her purse, Alessa thought telling her about Sean’s interference and offer might appease her enough to let it go for now.

  “Sean Bates cornered me afterward and gave me his card,” she blurted before she could change her mind. “He said he could help me, and I might take him up on his offer.”

  Krista nodded, her look pleased and relieved. “He’s a good man, and an excellent Dom. You can’t go wrong with him advising you, either as a psychologist or a Dom. We wondered why he didn’t show up Saturday night. Then again, he’s been absent from our get-togethers more often than not in the past few months.”

  “I said I might. I haven’t decided on anything yet, including whether I’ll return to Chains, so please, can we let it go for now?”

  “Yes,” Krista agreed. “I should know better than to push you. Who knows, maybe Master Sean will turn out to be the answer you’ve been searching for.”

  The image of his chiseled face and stormy eyes popped up, a shiver rippling down Alessa’s spine when she recalled the inherent command in his tone. Sean both scared and fascinated her, and God help her, she didn’t know which reaction induced that shaky response or which she preferred.

  Fewer patients that night meant a slow shift for Alessa and gave her too much time to think about whether or not she should make an appointment with Sean the next day, and to bemoan her lack of other options if she didn’t. She supposed she could go ahead and give up. It wasn’t as if she’d ever believed she would find her happily ever after at a BDSM club. The most she’d hoped for was an outlet or connection that afforded her peace of mind, something the two recent experiences she underwent had failed to lead to.

  By the time she was almost ready to leave for work on Monday, fretting over what to do had left her exhausted. Cursing herself for her indecision, she sucked in a deep breath, pulled Sean’s card out of her purse and punched in his number as she locked the front door behind her. What did she have to lose? Her dignity? That went out the window when he’d told her he’d witnessed both humiliating scenes. Her pride? She could either swallow that emotion or continue living unhappy and unfulfilled.

  He must have given her name to his receptionist because she had no trouble getting in to see him the next day, right before lunch. After thanking the woman, she snapped her phone shut before she could change her mind, praying she wasn’t making another mistake.

  Alessa clocked in at the hospital thirty minutes later, then checked her patient load on the chart in the nurse’s station situated in the center of the heart ward. Between several new admittances earlier in the day and two nurses calling in sick, she had a much busier evening ahead of her than the previous night. Good. The more to keep her mind occupied and distracted from her appointment the next day, the better.

  “I’m sorry for doubling up on you,” Casey said as Alessa scrolled through her patients’ charts on the computer. “With both Claire and Kelly out with the flu, I didn’t have a choice.”

  “No problem. This year’s flu season is biting everyone on the butt. At least we don’t have it as bad as the Midwest.”

  “That’s true, and I’ve been telling everyone to stay home until they’re sure they’ve recovered and aren’t contagious. Dr. Ward will send up a new patient soon, a valve replacement. That’ll put us back to capacity,” Casey said with a suffering sigh.

  “It looks like I’ll be putting my feet up all day tomorrow. I’ll get started.”

  Alessa loved her job, enjoyed visiting with her patients, even the cranky ones, and playing a part in getting them well and back on their feet again. She’d gone through extra training to specialize as a heart nurse and relished the challenge it added to her career. But the biggest bonus had been meeting Krista. As close as they were, she would hold off telling Krista about her appointment tomorrow with the psych doc. She’d never been able to come up with a clear definition for herself of what she yearned for; telling someone she’d only met a handful of times might prove impossible. Unless he was as good at his job as Krista claimed. Then, it might prove too embarrassing to bring up.

  It was already an hour past her usual dinner break when she padded up to the nurse’s station and noticed Dr. Charles Ward sitting at one of the consoles. Looking up at her, he smiled. “Evening, Alessa. We’ve got another busy one, don’t we?”

  “Yes, sir, we do. How’s your patient?” She’d enjoyed their brief affair, although that had less to do with the sex and more to do with him being such a nice man and easy to converse with. He seemed to appreciate that part of the short relationship a lot more than she, but in her experience, men were easy to please in bed.

  “Sir?” he questioned with a tilt of his head. “I think we know each other well enough to dispense with such formalities, don’t you?”

  The glint in his hazel eyes drew Alessa’s smile. That had come out sounding rather formal given they’d seen each other naked. The receding hairline of his dark brown hair didn’t detract from his good looks and she knew of several nurses who would delight in the forty-something doctor’s attentions. But just as with every other relationship she’d indulged in, the missing link, that elusive something she needed to be happy, had never materialized.

  “Sorry. Habit, Charles.”

  “Yes, those are difficult to break, aren’t they? My patient’s doing great, thanks. Have you taken your dinner break yet?”

  She wondered why he’d ask an hour after the time he knew she usually went then shrugged it off as an idle comment. “No, I’m running behind. I’ll grab something soon.”

  “Nonsense,” Casey stated firmly, coming up behind her. “Go now, before you keel over.”

  “Come on.” Pushing back from the desk, Charles stood and came around the long counter. “I’ll join you for a few minutes on my way out. We can catch up.”

  Because she’d avoided talking with him, other than to discuss a patient, since their split, she let her guilty conscience push her to accept the invitation. “Okay, thanks. I won’t be long, Casey.”

  “What have you been doing with yourself?” Charles asked when they took a seat at a cafeteria table, Alessa with a salad and him with a Pepsi, his favorite beverage.

  “Keeping busy. I’m taking a women’s self-defense class. That’s fun.” Had it been over two months since the two of them made the mutual decision to return to being friends and colleagues? Time flew, maybe more so when you were struggling to find what made you tick.

  “Good for you. No one can be too careful. Just look at the traumas from assaults coming into the ER every day.”

  Alessa worked her way through the chef salad and let him talk about the ski trip he took over Christmas, ignoring his comment ‘you would’ve enjoyed it’. Other than that, he stuck to neutral topics, for which she was grateful, and when he stayed true to his word and rose to leave ten minutes later, she breathed a sigh of relief. She’d always enjoyed his company, but she didn’t want to give him any false signals that might make him think they could get back together. His parting question told her it wouldn’t be that easy.

  “Are you seeing anyone, Alessa?”

  Looking up at him, she knew she wouldn’t lie. “No, I’m not interested in a relationship right now. How about you?”

  “I’ve taken out my neighbor a few times. Nice woman. And she bakes a mean lasagna.” He grinned.

  Relieved, she returned his smile. “Well, there you go. You can’t go wrong with lasagna. See you later, Charles.”


  He nodded and left her feeling better about their friendship now he was with someone else. If only she could find someone she could at least be content with.

  “GOOD MORNING BARBARA,” Sean greeted his receptionist when he entered his office Tuesday morning. Now in her late fifties, she’d been his first and only employee the past twelve years, ever since he’d opened his private practice after working a year with a mental health group. He’d be lost without her friendly face and diligence and efficiency at keeping his office running in a smooth, orderly fashion. “How’s the schedule today?”

  “Busy. Ms. Alexander called, so I squeezed her in right before lunch. Are you still good with that tight of a time frame for a new patient?”

  His pulse spiked a notch seeing Alessa’s name written in the eleven-thirty-time slot on Barbara’s calendar. She’d been on his mind way too much the last two days. The urge to check up on her, ensure she wasn’t planning on taking any more risks with either her safety or her submissive needs, kept popping up to plague him at odd moments. He couldn’t set aside the look on her face following both scenes with the other Doms, or his desire to take her under control, root out what drove her and see her needs were met while coming to no emotional or physical harm.

  He knew his necessity to control stemmed from the memory of his mother conveying that same expression of longing, of desiring something just beyond her reach, and his failure to get his father to do something about it, get her under control before something drastic happened. How many times over how many years had he pleaded with his father to pay attention to his mother, get her substance abuse—and her—under control before it was too late?